is it all in my head?

I won't find out yet for another week (minimum) whether or not I'm actually pregnant but I do want to jot down a few things in case I am (or not) for future reference.

A few days ago I noticed that I lost my appetite. Granted, it could be linked to all of the emotions I begin to feel just before school starts but I have to mention it because I am ALWAYS hungry. I eat or snack every 4 hours and I get "hangry" if I don't stuff my face in frequent intervals. Every morning I wake up starving but for a few days last week I just wasn't hungry during the day or night. I forced myself to eat anyway and I noticed that bananas were the only things my body wanted--I could eat 3 or 4 throughout the course of the day. 

That part has tapered off now and I am beginning to feel slightly nauseous. It's not very strong but there's just an occasional gross feeling that comes over me. For example, yesterday I couldn't finish the eggs I made for breakfast (again, weird b/c I love breakfast) but it was something about the smell that was grossing me out.

However, Saturday in the very early morning I began to feel a hint of the uterus feeling that rolls around before I get my period, so who knows. 

I did some research about possible reasons for such a long high estrogen and +LH reading on the ovulation kits--it could be something called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). It causes your hormones to be out of balance which is what could lead to painful periods, inability to conceive, acne, and facial hair! There were other symptoms but these are ones I'm personally experiencing. So if I have PCOS then I was likely not ovulating or not really for as long as the test indicated, etc.

Maybe I'm looking into this a bit too deeply but I just want to jot it all down for the record. But to give myself more credit, I have always been in tune with my body and I notice slight changes in myself. Interestingly enough, I also have the strange ability to notice a change in behavior in my pups and very slight changes in appearance in people that astounds even them (hair trims, new shirt, different shoes) that I don't actually make a note to remember but I just can automatically detect a change. Skills I can't bank on but nonetheless funny and noteworthy.

In the end, if I'm not pregnant, then D and I will take a break from this whole TTC thing. So much sex, lots of eager waiting, raising your hopes and becoming slightly neurotic....it's all a little too intense and I have an upcoming school year to focus on. Also, I will definitely be proceeding with my application to the Ed.D. program and baby-making will be put on hold for a good 3-5 years. That seems reasonable to me.

-- g

good-bye summer

I am beginning to feel that anxiety that creeps in just before the start of an upcoming school year. I have so much to plan for and prepare, especially now that I'm starting in a new school. I have my list ready, I just need to go into my building this week and get started.

This month has been a little crazy for me and D. We have been doin' it A LOT hoping we will get pregnant. Who knew sex could be so exhausting?? Tomorrow I'm going in to get my hormone levels tested. It's so nerve-wrecking to think of all the possible issues/ailments we each might have, plus the combined issues too. Either way, I'm glad we're starting this process now and it has pretty much just been all around hilarious and ridiculous (picture someone being propped up on two folded pillows for 30 minutes checking Instagram and Pinterest after sexy time--awkward!). Next, we wait for the results. 

Overall this summer has been pretty awesome. Here's a list of some awesome moments:

- Brewing beer with Karlin and Steph

- Mom and aunt visited - Multnomah Falls, Organic Brew Fest, Rose Garden, Oregon coast

- 1920s Gatsby themed party at our house

- Taking inspiring classes at PSU

- Camping at Lost Lake with Diego, Roz, Grace, and Kyle + pups

- Daily naps with my puppies

- Timbers games

- Cassie's Best Little Whorehouse in Portland themed bachelorette party

- Soapbox Derby with Ida and Alex

- Getting to know Kelly (my new 3rd grade teaching counterpart)

- Lots of gardening and hanging out with Danny boy

Plus there's still more to come before it's officially over:

- Cassie and Matt's wedding

- Death Cab for Cutie concert @ Edgefield with Sarva

- Back-to-school clothes shopping with Kelly

Man, I have to say that I am truly blessed. I've starting forming some pretty solid bonds with my friends here in PDX, I also have the most loving family anyone could ask for, the funniest and most patient husband, the two snuggliest pups and a cute house--it's all a dream come true. Of course, adding a baby to the mix would pretty much be the cherry on top, but I know everything happens for a reason and the universe has a plan for me. 

-- g

Writing a blog at 27

Writing a blog at 27 is SO different from writing in my journal as a teenager. Back then I wrote down everything that happened to me because it was all important. There wasn't too much going on in my life (besides crushes and weekend outings with friends) but I knew that whatever I wrote would have some significance later so it was important to record. Now I don't know if writing about my shopping trip to IKEA or plans for kitchen remodeling are note-worthy...? To include or not include, that is the question. 

So, here are a few updates for Summer 2013:

• I have officially stopped going to the gym. I dream about going out for a run during my daily afternoon naps (with the dogs). I plan to resume gym time with the start of the school year.
• Suddenly I'm cooking more. This is mostly because I feel guilty that I haven't accomplished shit all day while my hubby is at work.
• Danny and I went to our fertility appointment this week. He will be submitting a sperm analysis and I'll be using ovulation kits daily waiting for the smiley face to appear.
• Got my first pair of Dankso shoes for the upcoming school year!
• So excited to go back to work and set up my classroom.
• Lately I have been itching for a record player, and some records, and some new dishes, etc. so I've created an Amazon Wish List for Christmas time. Hopefully we can encourage our parents and family members to use it. 
• The dentist found my first cavity---I'll be getting my first filling tomorrow.  :(

-- g

The First Post is the Deepest

Here I am embarking on another journal. I just finished taking an intense week-long course on journal keeping and I was inspired by my friend Cassie to start a blog as a way to continue documenting my life since I stopped writing about it years ago.

I'm 27 years old, married to Danny and we live in a cute house in Portland, OR with our 2 dogs named Snoopy and Bear. 

This is my official attempt to keep all my weird experiences, random anecdotes, and general life story all sorted out in one place.

-- g